Today was an in the house day...It was an up and down type of day... Emotional Roller-coaster would be an understand statement...I know that this process is coming along because I feel the changes. I just pray that I do not become a true bitch in the process. I feel like I want and need to be emotionless once this is over or at least during the process. i woke up with all intentions of getting out of my bed, cleaning house and organizing life. I only got half of that done, but hey I had to start some where. I got out of my bed and moved to my couch, added some dates to my planner and iCal and placed a few things in the trash. I did actually leave the house about 9pm...ShoutOut to my SiblingChild #1 and PA Karen for the dinner and drinks...so needed that. As for the remainder of the day before 9pm, I searched for blogs, did some Facebook chatting, tweeted and listened to a few songs, reset some privacy settings and lounged for the day. Then about 2pm, a ray of sunshine entered my place and I began to think about how much of a great and resourceful person I am! (Figured that it was just one of those up moments cause it was). Another moment like that came to me about 11:30pm, after my "Walk Me Down", I felt better about the entire "situation" at hand. Here is what I have to say:
You are a complete dumb ass for thinking that you are smarter than me. You are a complete loser for thinking that you can make me feel less of a person. I am beautiful inside and out...have you seen me? Even on a bad day, I have a smile that lights up the world. I am cuter than your current choice and past choice put together. You thought you where upgrading or did you take the first available offer. Get it together. How can you secure someone else? You do not even have yourself together enough. You could have been man enough to say that you could not handle my "professionalism" in and outside the house. Grown up...age is nothing but a number. You can keep your excuses to why things are the way that they are because you yourself are an excuse and excuses I can do without. Excuses are tools of incompetence building monuments to nothingness on pillars of insubstantialities
Those that employ this theory or its practices are seldom capable of anything! For that, you LOSE!
I am brilliant and wonderfully made because God made me that way. I love Him and He loves me. I owe Him everything and not only do I praise Him for the things that he has blessed me with, I praise Him for the things, people and places that He has taken from me. I am not "sometiming", like you. How you only gone be grateful for the things that He gives you? That is between you and Him. As for your quick fix, I am glad I helped while I could. But He knew that I needed time to focus more on my business at hand, instead of completely focusing on you and your issues. I try to be a problem solver, but clearly I am not certified in that area either. Now while I am down and out because you are not here, I should be grateful, that He is and will always be. What I need is stability, consistency, compassion and understanding in my life and from this you can not offer anything but a placeholder...I have pillows for that. I will politely take this more than slight discomfort for now. I know that my comfort will be in my stability, consistency, compassion and understanding that will come sooner than I think. So THANK YOU again for not being ready for me as a woman,friend, girlfriend,confidant, shoulder to cry on, mother to your children, etc. You have only help to prepare me for the man that God is preparing for me. So for every tear that I cried in front of you and the ones that I cried only, that was yesterday and today...tomorrow will be better, I promise you that. I know that everyday won't be sunshine, but it is all a part of the process, so I will take that until this process of over and complete.
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