"Good guys make things happen, good guys get things done, make the work look easy, make the job seem fun, try a little harder, show the world their pride, celebrate the good stuff, take the rest in stride…
Good guys make a difference in their quiet way; seldom seem like heroes til they save the day, plan a little smarter, wisely wait to see what’s the best direction for their family…
Good guys do the right thing, care and pray a lot, never sweat the small stuff, give life their best shot, always go the distance, see their loved ones through.
Good guys make great fathers….good guys just like you!"
So awhile ago, I saw this in a Hallmark card and noted in Alex for future reference...I thought I used to know some guys with these qualities...Waiting for my "good guy"...
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Reflection Time
Every now and again, I take time out to reflect on my life and different situation. This occurs sometimes daily. I have a really bad habit of replaying events, situations and conversations in my head time and time again. Since fall is soon to arrive, I figured it was about that time. As I think back to last year this time. I think “oh wow” how time flies and all the things that can happen in a year’s time… One of my current favorite songs says “…can’t get better if it don’t hurt” …what a year…thanking God for all the times He said or allowed the others to say “No” cause the “Yes” could have had me in some mess...Living, Learning, Loving and then Move on…
Saturday, August 14, 2010
What A Day...
Today was an in the house day...It was an up and down type of day... Emotional Roller-coaster would be an understand statement...I know that this process is coming along because I feel the changes. I just pray that I do not become a true bitch in the process. I feel like I want and need to be emotionless once this is over or at least during the process. i woke up with all intentions of getting out of my bed, cleaning house and organizing life. I only got half of that done, but hey I had to start some where. I got out of my bed and moved to my couch, added some dates to my planner and iCal and placed a few things in the trash. I did actually leave the house about 9pm...ShoutOut to my SiblingChild #1 and PA Karen for the dinner and drinks...so needed that. As for the remainder of the day before 9pm, I searched for blogs, did some Facebook chatting, tweeted and listened to a few songs, reset some privacy settings and lounged for the day. Then about 2pm, a ray of sunshine entered my place and I began to think about how much of a great and resourceful person I am! (Figured that it was just one of those up moments cause it was). Another moment like that came to me about 11:30pm, after my "Walk Me Down", I felt better about the entire "situation" at hand. Here is what I have to say:
You are a complete dumb ass for thinking that you are smarter than me. You are a complete loser for thinking that you can make me feel less of a person. I am beautiful inside and out...have you seen me? Even on a bad day, I have a smile that lights up the world. I am cuter than your current choice and past choice put together. You thought you where upgrading or did you take the first available offer. Get it together. How can you secure someone else? You do not even have yourself together enough. You could have been man enough to say that you could not handle my "professionalism" in and outside the house. Grown up...age is nothing but a number. You can keep your excuses to why things are the way that they are because you yourself are an excuse and excuses I can do without. Excuses are tools of incompetence building monuments to nothingness on pillars of insubstantialities
Those that employ this theory or its practices are seldom capable of anything! For that, you LOSE!
I am brilliant and wonderfully made because God made me that way. I love Him and He loves me. I owe Him everything and not only do I praise Him for the things that he has blessed me with, I praise Him for the things, people and places that He has taken from me. I am not "sometiming", like you. How you only gone be grateful for the things that He gives you? That is between you and Him. As for your quick fix, I am glad I helped while I could. But He knew that I needed time to focus more on my business at hand, instead of completely focusing on you and your issues. I try to be a problem solver, but clearly I am not certified in that area either. Now while I am down and out because you are not here, I should be grateful, that He is and will always be. What I need is stability, consistency, compassion and understanding in my life and from this you can not offer anything but a placeholder...I have pillows for that. I will politely take this more than slight discomfort for now. I know that my comfort will be in my stability, consistency, compassion and understanding that will come sooner than I think. So THANK YOU again for not being ready for me as a woman,friend, girlfriend,confidant, shoulder to cry on, mother to your children, etc. You have only help to prepare me for the man that God is preparing for me. So for every tear that I cried in front of you and the ones that I cried only, that was yesterday and today...tomorrow will be better, I promise you that. I know that everyday won't be sunshine, but it is all a part of the process, so I will take that until this process of over and complete.
You are a complete dumb ass for thinking that you are smarter than me. You are a complete loser for thinking that you can make me feel less of a person. I am beautiful inside and out...have you seen me? Even on a bad day, I have a smile that lights up the world. I am cuter than your current choice and past choice put together. You thought you where upgrading or did you take the first available offer. Get it together. How can you secure someone else? You do not even have yourself together enough. You could have been man enough to say that you could not handle my "professionalism" in and outside the house. Grown up...age is nothing but a number. You can keep your excuses to why things are the way that they are because you yourself are an excuse and excuses I can do without. Excuses are tools of incompetence building monuments to nothingness on pillars of insubstantialities
Those that employ this theory or its practices are seldom capable of anything! For that, you LOSE!
I am brilliant and wonderfully made because God made me that way. I love Him and He loves me. I owe Him everything and not only do I praise Him for the things that he has blessed me with, I praise Him for the things, people and places that He has taken from me. I am not "sometiming", like you. How you only gone be grateful for the things that He gives you? That is between you and Him. As for your quick fix, I am glad I helped while I could. But He knew that I needed time to focus more on my business at hand, instead of completely focusing on you and your issues. I try to be a problem solver, but clearly I am not certified in that area either. Now while I am down and out because you are not here, I should be grateful, that He is and will always be. What I need is stability, consistency, compassion and understanding in my life and from this you can not offer anything but a placeholder...I have pillows for that. I will politely take this more than slight discomfort for now. I know that my comfort will be in my stability, consistency, compassion and understanding that will come sooner than I think. So THANK YOU again for not being ready for me as a woman,friend, girlfriend,confidant, shoulder to cry on, mother to your children, etc. You have only help to prepare me for the man that God is preparing for me. So for every tear that I cried in front of you and the ones that I cried only, that was yesterday and today...tomorrow will be better, I promise you that. I know that everyday won't be sunshine, but it is all a part of the process, so I will take that until this process of over and complete.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Resentment
Resentment"
I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me really don't apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied
[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment
Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied
[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment
I may never understand why
I'm doing the best that I can and I
I tried and I tried to forget this
I'm much too full of resentment
I'll always remember feeling like I was no good
Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could
And it's all because you lied
[Bridge:]
Loved you more than ever
More than my own life
The best part of me I gave you
It was sacrificed
And it's all because you lied
[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I tried and I tried to forget this
But I'm too damn full of resentment
I know she was attractive but I was here first
Been ridin' with you for six years why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you, you
I know your probably thinking what's up with Bee
I been crying for too long what did you do to me
I used to be so strong but now you took my soul
I'm crying cant stop crying cant stop crying
You could of told me that you wasn't happy
I know you didn't wanna hurt me
But look what you done-done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she's had half of me
How could you lie
--It may have only been 6 months and not 6 years. I am still trying to work pass some things that have taken place. I don't want to be full of resentment...Praying everyday for some relief...this may take a while. It's not that I am holding on to it. The shit hurt just that bad.I'm sorry.
I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me really don't apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied
[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment
Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied
[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment
I may never understand why
I'm doing the best that I can and I
I tried and I tried to forget this
I'm much too full of resentment
I'll always remember feeling like I was no good
Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could
And it's all because you lied
[Bridge:]
Loved you more than ever
More than my own life
The best part of me I gave you
It was sacrificed
And it's all because you lied
[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I tried and I tried to forget this
But I'm too damn full of resentment
I know she was attractive but I was here first
Been ridin' with you for six years why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you, you
I know your probably thinking what's up with Bee
I been crying for too long what did you do to me
I used to be so strong but now you took my soul
I'm crying cant stop crying cant stop crying
You could of told me that you wasn't happy
I know you didn't wanna hurt me
But look what you done-done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she's had half of me
How could you lie
--It may have only been 6 months and not 6 years. I am still trying to work pass some things that have taken place. I don't want to be full of resentment...Praying everyday for some relief...this may take a while. It's not that I am holding on to it. The shit hurt just that bad.I'm sorry.
The Type of Love I'm Looking For...My Feelngs
Rev. Run once said, " Any dude can love 1000 girls, but it takes a gentlemen to love 1 woman 100 ways." Also, "Girls want to look perfect for a bunch of guys, a woman wants to look beautiful for 1 man."
I was to be at peace with everyone and everything so that everything and everyone will be at peace with me. I want to gain the courage to let someone love me.
I want to feel important. I want to cuddle at the appropriate times. I want to feel secure, safe and special. I want to be sincerely happy…If I am happy, you win. I want respect. I was a true reality, instead of a misleading dream. Just tell me the truth. I will respect you a whole lot more. I want to laugh. I want someone that will listen to me and actually respond with advice, help and support…even when I go on and on and on! I know that I am a little spoil…just accept it. Besides if I am as spoiled as you think I am, I will spoil my RIGHT man. I want a friend. I want to kick it…go to the park, mall, happy hour, the fun stuff, we can even watch ESPN, time is time. I want a nice guy that notices my effort and appreciates it and says so. I want to be appreciated. I want not to be taken for granted, if I give a lot and you are happy…please act as such.
Someone once told me if you like someone, let them know... if you love someone, let it show... don't hide those feelings, let yourself go…
I was to be at peace with everyone and everything so that everything and everyone will be at peace with me. I want to gain the courage to let someone love me.
I want to feel important. I want to cuddle at the appropriate times. I want to feel secure, safe and special. I want to be sincerely happy…If I am happy, you win. I want respect. I was a true reality, instead of a misleading dream. Just tell me the truth. I will respect you a whole lot more. I want to laugh. I want someone that will listen to me and actually respond with advice, help and support…even when I go on and on and on! I know that I am a little spoil…just accept it. Besides if I am as spoiled as you think I am, I will spoil my RIGHT man. I want a friend. I want to kick it…go to the park, mall, happy hour, the fun stuff, we can even watch ESPN, time is time. I want a nice guy that notices my effort and appreciates it and says so. I want to be appreciated. I want not to be taken for granted, if I give a lot and you are happy…please act as such.
Someone once told me if you like someone, let them know... if you love someone, let it show... don't hide those feelings, let yourself go…
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Footprints on the heart...
Some people come into our lives and quietly go. Other stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same.
Fed up--3 strikes and you're out
This is crazy and unnecessary. Why play games when you really want a person? Anything there is that needs to be worked out, should and can be handled with both parties willingly. If the point of this is for the both of us to find peace, then everything that has happened needs to be discussed--honestly. There is no time like the present to take care of this while you have the time. I have done everything in my power to keep you and given you options on way and things to do to keep me. I have moved on everything that I said I wasn't cause I really want to make this work. I said okay when you asked to do things in your own time for things to blow over and see that nothing has been done. I asked for certain individuals to be permanently removed and those individuals are still in your life. I asked for my position to be known to everyone and yet another individual has popped up that obviously did not know. None of my request have been feel so why should I grant any more yours. I have been flexible and adjusted to situations that cause for instant and immediate dismissal and termination of the relationship. In order for you to find peace, you need to change your ways. That is the only way that you will find peace. Changing your ways will also give me peace of mind.
Sincerely Yours,
SAK
Sincerely Yours,
SAK
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Broken Thoughts
I wanted this…
I got this…
Did I really want this?
Do I really have this?
I am happy.
Why am I not smiling?
What do I do now?
Old friends of the past seem to cross my mind more than the present.
What should I do about this?
New friends are getting to know all the secrets of the old and creating some of the new…”Good Mornings” included…But what about the Afternoons and Evenings…
I’m just trippin’ cause I know where my happiness lies, right?
Will all my planning pay off? Or Will it lead to a plan of failure?
Am I as ready as I thought I was for a relationship? Or should I have took is hesitation as a sign from God that I should slow down and live a little more?
Will all this come together? Or will it just fall apart?
Can he tell that I am not all here? Or do am I a good enough actor to make it seem like I am?
Just a bunch of broken thoughts
Different kind of day….I prayed for what I wanted and I think I got it but its funny I am not as happy as I thought I would be….
Different. Energetic. Musical. Experienced. Testy. Relief. Increasing. Utmost. Surprising.
I got this…
Did I really want this?
Do I really have this?
I am happy.
Why am I not smiling?
What do I do now?
Old friends of the past seem to cross my mind more than the present.
What should I do about this?
New friends are getting to know all the secrets of the old and creating some of the new…”Good Mornings” included…But what about the Afternoons and Evenings…
I’m just trippin’ cause I know where my happiness lies, right?
Will all my planning pay off? Or Will it lead to a plan of failure?
Am I as ready as I thought I was for a relationship? Or should I have took is hesitation as a sign from God that I should slow down and live a little more?
Will all this come together? Or will it just fall apart?
Can he tell that I am not all here? Or do am I a good enough actor to make it seem like I am?
Just a bunch of broken thoughts
Different kind of day….I prayed for what I wanted and I think I got it but its funny I am not as happy as I thought I would be….
Different. Energetic. Musical. Experienced. Testy. Relief. Increasing. Utmost. Surprising.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Getting to know Round 2
I never read I just look at the pictures. I am not interested in money. I just want to be wonderful...So today has been just that...Wonderful...speechless and spellbound is me...I speak French now...We...lol...But I rather we speak Spanish for now cause I don't just want this to be a foreign fantasy...He says I really enjoy the time being spend.
To be continued...
So we replayed the first night all over again, we ride out to the same place in the same outfits add a movie and a snack, a trip to the mall and skip and a hop around with DMCs. I enjoyed myself too.This is not a love story. This is a story about love.Maybe the start of it anyway...
To be continued...
So we replayed the first night all over again, we ride out to the same place in the same outfits add a movie and a snack, a trip to the mall and skip and a hop around with DMCs. I enjoyed myself too.This is not a love story. This is a story about love.Maybe the start of it anyway...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My book
I am the author of my life...Unfortunately, I'm writing in pen and I can not erase my mistake...but since I'm the author, I can create the next chapter and I can make the endings whatever I want!
Monday, August 24, 2009
I'm so wrapped in you
I'm so wrapped in you, everything I have ever wanted, needed, dreamed...I have found it in you...I call you LIFE. There is nothing that compares to you.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Catch me if you can...Shooting Star
So he says that he wants to fall in love with me...I ask why he says why not, we make a good team...but he wants to remain the owner and the coach of his team and add me to the roster...No sir, unless I can be the manager and I get all the perks as the coach...we can be co-owners or something. Why does he need a team when he got me...I am the STAR! ...So he has cut some members of the team...I'm thinking the fewer the better...I know he sees clearer now...
Monday, August 17, 2009
Hop Along, Tag Along
So today was quite different. It started different from most Monday morning...FedEx @ 5:30, sort and after sort duties, then to the Bluff to shower and change to head to the office...well this morning was more like a wake up about 7:45am, roll onto the bad foot, hop along to get ready for a training at the office. One wake up call instead of 3. My driver arrived SILENTLY! No real convo, just a little about the weather and shit. I prayed before their arrival that I would keep my mouth and actions to myself. Things are so different. There is distance between us that I really don't understand but I do.
SideBar: See there was sort of a "break up, not so break up" that happen about a month or so back between our foursome. We were together but not together kinda thing. "His girl had a girlfriend", which was my girlfriend. ..No Homo...but my bitches are always the cutest cuties...I miss here...anyway...Things seem to be one way but really weren't, kinda hard to explain but not so much...anyway...feelings got hurt because of some informed decisions. I tried to cushion the blows but got punched in the face cause I was in the way. I kept my mouth closed in hope that all would work out or they would part HAPPILY...
To be continued...
After training, left the office to find lunch to end up back the office to eat lunch in cafeteria. MuzikLover calls, which upsets da Gentleman...The beefin' about something now quite sure what the problem is. I wanna know, but I don't...ya know? Anywho, leave to head to the Bluff to wait until therapy session. At 3pm head to therapy, then back to the Bluff so that da Gentleman can head to the home of the Aristocrats to be an alumni. Its Monday and I get no mexican...this sucks...:pouting::Meanwhile, I download so Destiny's Child from back in the day. Share a song with SC#4, who stops by...much love, my love...for some DMC. She alwaus give Mama something to think about as she heads to her new Kingdom::wink, wink::( I pay attention;)Now I am trying to find a way to help MuzikLover...good night
Signed,
Another day in this wonderful life of mine while fighting a losing battle
SideBar: See there was sort of a "break up, not so break up" that happen about a month or so back between our foursome. We were together but not together kinda thing. "His girl had a girlfriend", which was my girlfriend. ..No Homo...but my bitches are always the cutest cuties...I miss here...anyway...Things seem to be one way but really weren't, kinda hard to explain but not so much...anyway...feelings got hurt because of some informed decisions. I tried to cushion the blows but got punched in the face cause I was in the way. I kept my mouth closed in hope that all would work out or they would part HAPPILY...
To be continued...
After training, left the office to find lunch to end up back the office to eat lunch in cafeteria. MuzikLover calls, which upsets da Gentleman...The beefin' about something now quite sure what the problem is. I wanna know, but I don't...ya know? Anywho, leave to head to the Bluff to wait until therapy session. At 3pm head to therapy, then back to the Bluff so that da Gentleman can head to the home of the Aristocrats to be an alumni. Its Monday and I get no mexican...this sucks...:pouting::Meanwhile, I download so Destiny's Child from back in the day. Share a song with SC#4, who stops by...much love, my love...for some DMC. She alwaus give Mama something to think about as she heads to her new Kingdom::wink, wink::( I pay attention;)Now I am trying to find a way to help MuzikLover...good night
Signed,
Another day in this wonderful life of mine while fighting a losing battle
Confessions of MuzikLover
Things are turning for the best. So MuzikLover confesses that he wants to be here and that he fucked up the first time I needed him and that he will be here this time and that he was sorry. I believe him. He has been tested on every side and now he can finally see the light peeking through the clouds. The compartment of my life where I want him to be, he fits...the question is am I willing to wait for him to get his life completely together. Idk...why do I have to wait?!? This weekend has truly been eye opening...let's see what this week brings...not only doesn't he have to prove it to me but to everyone on my support team...I would be his cheerleader... : )
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Here I Stand...Waiting on Reality
During my return to reality from my supposed weekend escape( I was suppose to visit South Memphis again, I went but had a very different outcome this time.) Anywho, MuzikLover, played Raheem DeVaughn's Love Behind the Melody and Usher's Here I Stand, while having DMCs(Deep Meaningful Conversations)about music, life, him, me, family, future dreams...the usual.He took me to my mother since I was out of commission cause of the ankle. (You never realize how much you use something until you can't.)He was absolutely wonderful since last week Wednesday, he even bought dinner over before he started his new shift today. So we listened to the CDs, which accounted for the bulk of the 2 1/2 hour drive/ride back. I didn't like the Usher CD during my first listen, now I have downloaded the entire album for 7 of the 16 tracks. Raheem is my friend already. When we listen to music, we listen to the lyrics, which creates more DMC. I enjoy our brief runs home and back. Even though him and I aren't we...its cool. I am just trying to avoid disaster and complication.
Before I started this blog...Part 2
03.15.09 @ 12:04am
It has been a while since my last entry. I can't believe how long its been. I realize that somethings will never change.Sweetheart is one of those things and it seems like the Hardest Working man in Nashville is wearing the same shoes. ChurchBoy has been a sweetheart lately that is something that I can get use too. Gentleman is a fast mover and new to this whole thing, especially since Tutts left me.
Just some random thoughts: the truth is when I close my eyes, I dream of you. The thought of you makes me smile. You take my breath away. You inspire me to better myself. Even though I am whole you complete me. I wrote a song for you but its untitled and has no words simply because there is no word or phrase that can describe you unless "ump" is a word. These are the feelings I already have for the love of my life even though we haven't met. I feel like everyone deserves to not only feel like this but have someone tell you that this is how they feel about you. When you read this I want you to think about the people you deal with on an intimate level and if this is not how you feel about them then try again. Life is not about who gave you the best nut and if you disagree then I pity you. The old folks say to live, laugh and love not hoe, cum and run...think about it. I laugh at people who choose money over love. Money don't care about you and it damn sure
won't keep you warm at night. I laugh at people who marry for money and wonder why it didn't work. Money is the true root of all evil so how can you base happiness off of it.Think about the next time you try to buy someone's affection. The best gift you can give is time, love, and understanding. The truth is that there are more love songs than fuck songs. The truth is if you have to change who you are or what you believe just to keep someone then they not worth having. The truth is if you are looking for the meaning of life, you won't find it in anything man made....just a few of my thoughts. April 19th@ 10:46pm
11:51am
I just want to be the customer. Its about time someone served me like I have been serving for all these years and in all these relationships. Is that so wrong. Hell naw cause I have went far beyond the call of duty or what you would ever do. You will never find another like me. Some may try but none will ever succeed. Please know there is only one me...don't be the next to miss out on this good thang. Maybe its suppose to be that way...just a thought.
Today is one of these days that make me wanna scream due to the fact that I don't have time::damn I just lost my fuckin thought. Damn
5/11 at 7:29pm
No non sense, no stress. I tell you about some folks. I can't get mad all I can do is laugh. Too funny...lmao...I don't wanna speak cause I am afraid of my reaction that will come from me.
05/22 at 9:16
What was I doing before you got here? Its so good that I can't remember and slick don't wanna go back to the before. I miss you and you have only been gone a few hours. I can't remember...familiarity is hard to get away from...familiar, convenience or real...love will find you.
It has been a while since my last entry. I can't believe how long its been. I realize that somethings will never change.Sweetheart is one of those things and it seems like the Hardest Working man in Nashville is wearing the same shoes. ChurchBoy has been a sweetheart lately that is something that I can get use too. Gentleman is a fast mover and new to this whole thing, especially since Tutts left me.
Just some random thoughts: the truth is when I close my eyes, I dream of you. The thought of you makes me smile. You take my breath away. You inspire me to better myself. Even though I am whole you complete me. I wrote a song for you but its untitled and has no words simply because there is no word or phrase that can describe you unless "ump" is a word. These are the feelings I already have for the love of my life even though we haven't met. I feel like everyone deserves to not only feel like this but have someone tell you that this is how they feel about you. When you read this I want you to think about the people you deal with on an intimate level and if this is not how you feel about them then try again. Life is not about who gave you the best nut and if you disagree then I pity you. The old folks say to live, laugh and love not hoe, cum and run...think about it. I laugh at people who choose money over love. Money don't care about you and it damn sure
won't keep you warm at night. I laugh at people who marry for money and wonder why it didn't work. Money is the true root of all evil so how can you base happiness off of it.Think about the next time you try to buy someone's affection. The best gift you can give is time, love, and understanding. The truth is that there are more love songs than fuck songs. The truth is if you have to change who you are or what you believe just to keep someone then they not worth having. The truth is if you are looking for the meaning of life, you won't find it in anything man made....just a few of my thoughts. April 19th@ 10:46pm
11:51am
I just want to be the customer. Its about time someone served me like I have been serving for all these years and in all these relationships. Is that so wrong. Hell naw cause I have went far beyond the call of duty or what you would ever do. You will never find another like me. Some may try but none will ever succeed. Please know there is only one me...don't be the next to miss out on this good thang. Maybe its suppose to be that way...just a thought.
Today is one of these days that make me wanna scream due to the fact that I don't have time::damn I just lost my fuckin thought. Damn
5/11 at 7:29pm
No non sense, no stress. I tell you about some folks. I can't get mad all I can do is laugh. Too funny...lmao...I don't wanna speak cause I am afraid of my reaction that will come from me.
05/22 at 9:16
What was I doing before you got here? Its so good that I can't remember and slick don't wanna go back to the before. I miss you and you have only been gone a few hours. I can't remember...familiarity is hard to get away from...familiar, convenience or real...love will find you.
Before I started this blog...
I was already "blogging" and didn't know it. My writing was my stress relief, a way I could say things that I really couldn't say. I was introduced to blogging by one of my siblingchild. I decided to add these entries, so here goes:
August 2, 2008 @ 2:03am
This shit is crazy. Why is it that niggas try to turn hoes into housewives, then get mad when the shit don't work. '' She don't have to be cute if she going? Wow!
Boredom is always with me. Why I wonder? No one can catch and keep my attention. Not the ones I try to give it to nor the ones who try to take it. I think it is so funny that someone would try to take my attention. However that is exactly what I need. Sweetheart has to go...there is no longer a need for him. My newest friend might just be the person to steal my attention at least from Sweetheat. However this school thing is a bit much for me right now. My newest friend, Hardest Working Man in Nashville might be the focus I need to finish this semester with a bang.
Graduation is a thought all in itself. I can see it now. I am not completely satisfied with myself but my plan B looks real good right now. I have to make it work for SC#1.
My SC#1...I just want to be a great guide for her. I want to show her the way to handle business and life. I know that I can't live it for her but I can try to shade her from careless mistake. Especially the ones I didn't make. I broke the generational cruse. If I can get her over that hump then all should be well. I must show her only through my faith did I succeed to where I am now.
August 3, 2008 @ 12:37am
It is so funny how words only seem to come only at night. I think it is so crazy. I am bored and trying to give my attention away. If only you knew how much I could do to you and for you...lol...
Can't understand normal thinking
August 4, 2008 @1:39 am
is how one guy describes women..I laughed and said that exactly what woman think of men...crazy huh...anyway...so this weekend has come and gone...little to no progress was made for me and mine. I have not tried any mind games but I think he is trying one on me.
I will pray again...maybe God is saying no for now...maybe later...IDK...I just want something I can call my own. Something made just for me by God cause the only thing that will last is something truly '' heaven sent'' I prefer God sent...lol...cause God is everywhere I am and not just in Heaven alone.
Brotherly relationships have been quite strange lately...me and my big mouth...and tough love...my mouth has always gotten my in for trouble than out and my tough love practices tend to hurt me more than the one who it intended for.
Out with the old and where is the new? IDK...OMG...Lol ::screaming:: is all I got to say...
August 5,2008 @ 1:29am
As we spoke today, a small flame inside of me began to grow . It warmed my starting to freeze again heart. It was crazy. Smiling for no reason...happy for no reason...all natural me is what you got today.
Then there is the Hardest working man in Nashville...someone other than my 2 or more knuckle headed brothers...I have way to many daddies...Rich Boy, Tutts, Muscle Man...
Muscle Man, 21 with the head of a born business man on his shoulders and a soul of a old man. I understand his thinking pattern but not of his matters at heart. I don't know whether to call him brother or friend. Never had a friend like him other than Army Man or BabyLove.
The world is like a mirror you see people in other peoples action that reflect something that you know that you have seen before.
12:38am on August 17, 2008
So since have started'' Project Get Over'' all over again today day 1. Yea, I thought about him and past events; however, I did not contact. No calls or texts, email or facebook.just thoughts...it's not over until God says it's over.I must scoot before I can crawl or walk. Thank you Lord for day 1! Forever, For Always, Just because...it is so true what they say...what goes around comes around. After I heard you say that it was your biggest fear. I thought deeper about the content of our conversation. You do what you do because you are spoil. Because you like the challenge of cleaning up your mess with less effort than it took to cause it. You wonder at what strength is the karma going to return? You wonder what will happen next? Who knows? Its easy to tell me no;however, its hard to tell yourself no.
August 2, 2008 @ 2:03am
This shit is crazy. Why is it that niggas try to turn hoes into housewives, then get mad when the shit don't work. '' She don't have to be cute if she going? Wow!
Boredom is always with me. Why I wonder? No one can catch and keep my attention. Not the ones I try to give it to nor the ones who try to take it. I think it is so funny that someone would try to take my attention. However that is exactly what I need. Sweetheart has to go...there is no longer a need for him. My newest friend might just be the person to steal my attention at least from Sweetheat. However this school thing is a bit much for me right now. My newest friend, Hardest Working Man in Nashville might be the focus I need to finish this semester with a bang.
Graduation is a thought all in itself. I can see it now. I am not completely satisfied with myself but my plan B looks real good right now. I have to make it work for SC#1.
My SC#1...I just want to be a great guide for her. I want to show her the way to handle business and life. I know that I can't live it for her but I can try to shade her from careless mistake. Especially the ones I didn't make. I broke the generational cruse. If I can get her over that hump then all should be well. I must show her only through my faith did I succeed to where I am now.
August 3, 2008 @ 12:37am
It is so funny how words only seem to come only at night. I think it is so crazy. I am bored and trying to give my attention away. If only you knew how much I could do to you and for you...lol...
Can't understand normal thinking
August 4, 2008 @1:39 am
is how one guy describes women..I laughed and said that exactly what woman think of men...crazy huh...anyway...so this weekend has come and gone...little to no progress was made for me and mine. I have not tried any mind games but I think he is trying one on me.
I will pray again...maybe God is saying no for now...maybe later...IDK...I just want something I can call my own. Something made just for me by God cause the only thing that will last is something truly '' heaven sent'' I prefer God sent...lol...cause God is everywhere I am and not just in Heaven alone.
Brotherly relationships have been quite strange lately...me and my big mouth...and tough love...my mouth has always gotten my in for trouble than out and my tough love practices tend to hurt me more than the one who it intended for.
Out with the old and where is the new? IDK...OMG...Lol ::screaming:: is all I got to say...
August 5,2008 @ 1:29am
As we spoke today, a small flame inside of me began to grow . It warmed my starting to freeze again heart. It was crazy. Smiling for no reason...happy for no reason...all natural me is what you got today.
Then there is the Hardest working man in Nashville...someone other than my 2 or more knuckle headed brothers...I have way to many daddies...Rich Boy, Tutts, Muscle Man...
Muscle Man, 21 with the head of a born business man on his shoulders and a soul of a old man. I understand his thinking pattern but not of his matters at heart. I don't know whether to call him brother or friend. Never had a friend like him other than Army Man or BabyLove.
The world is like a mirror you see people in other peoples action that reflect something that you know that you have seen before.
12:38am on August 17, 2008
So since have started'' Project Get Over'' all over again today day 1. Yea, I thought about him and past events; however, I did not contact. No calls or texts, email or facebook.just thoughts...it's not over until God says it's over.I must scoot before I can crawl or walk. Thank you Lord for day 1! Forever, For Always, Just because...it is so true what they say...what goes around comes around. After I heard you say that it was your biggest fear. I thought deeper about the content of our conversation. You do what you do because you are spoil. Because you like the challenge of cleaning up your mess with less effort than it took to cause it. You wonder at what strength is the karma going to return? You wonder what will happen next? Who knows? Its easy to tell me no;however, its hard to tell yourself no.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Unbearable
Mama: I just want to say that my heart hurts...I give up...I've given up...
SiblingChild: What? Why? Who hurt you?
Mama: Everyone
SiblingChild: Who? What happen?
Mama:The whole team...the entire team...so I've given up sports...the sport...of love
SiblingChild: I don't understand...
Mama: Me either...I quit!
Signed,
Defeated
SiblingChild: What? Why? Who hurt you?
Mama: Everyone
SiblingChild: Who? What happen?
Mama:The whole team...the entire team...so I've given up sports...the sport...of love
SiblingChild: I don't understand...
Mama: Me either...I quit!
Signed,
Defeated
Monday, August 10, 2009
I regret…
I regret stopping by familiarity
…speaking out of courteously
…allowing you to meet the family
…inviting you into my life, my home, my comfort zone, my heart and me
…giving you opportunity to share my dreams
…placing you on this pedestal
…thinking that you were the answer to the prayer I stop praying
…it all. Damn. I regret.
…trying not to regret
…trying to forget what it was like before you
…I regret, regretting.
This will be a good one for the book. Never had a regret before. You were the thing that made me regret the one before you. Hopefully the thing after you will make me FORGET you, instead of REGRET you.
Glad I love me more,
Bri
…speaking out of courteously
…allowing you to meet the family
…inviting you into my life, my home, my comfort zone, my heart and me
…giving you opportunity to share my dreams
…placing you on this pedestal
…thinking that you were the answer to the prayer I stop praying
…it all. Damn. I regret.
…trying not to regret
…trying to forget what it was like before you
…I regret, regretting.
This will be a good one for the book. Never had a regret before. You were the thing that made me regret the one before you. Hopefully the thing after you will make me FORGET you, instead of REGRET you.
Glad I love me more,
Bri
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Loving the thought of love...
A fellow March baby wrote a note on facebook with this thought so I borrowed it because it matched exactly what I could not put into words. " I love the thought of love but fear the pain that comes alone with it." Lets just say the pain that could come along with the love is what I fear. I know that all love does not come with pain or heartache. I know that it is possible to be happy married or in a relationship because I know that someone is out there made for me. Especially for me! It is funny how I can mix and match people and council individuals on their relationship but can't build,fix or make one of my own! That has to be the dumbest mess that I have ever thought but it is so true...What am I to do? The one that was suppose to take my mind and thoughts away from the old drove me right back to him...Maybe I should just take this time as I did before to get all my things in order because God is still preparing "My Good Thing" for me!I swear if I could make a man at Wal-Mart I would so that I could take him back if he broke. ::laughing:: Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.
I use to think that a educated, beautiful, successful Black woman in a healthy relationship wasn't possible but now that my Guide was well on her way into a healthy relationship and is truly glowing in bliss. I know that it is possible.
I use to think that a educated, beautiful, successful Black woman in a healthy relationship wasn't possible but now that my Guide was well on her way into a healthy relationship and is truly glowing in bliss. I know that it is possible.
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