Good Guys...

"Good guys make things happen, good guys get things done, make the work look easy, make the job seem fun, try a little harder, show the world their pride, celebrate the good stuff, take the rest in stride…

Good guys make a difference in their quiet way; seldom seem like heroes til they save the day, plan a little smarter, wisely wait to see what’s the best direction for their family…

Good guys do the right thing, care and pray a lot, never sweat the small stuff, give life their best shot, always go the distance, see their loved ones through.
Good guys make great fathers….good guys just like you!"

So awhile ago, I saw this in a Hallmark card and noted in Alex for future reference...I thought I used to know some guys with these qualities...Waiting for my "good guy"...

My Everything by Monica

"My Everything" by Monica

I Ain't Never Had Nothing Quite Like This
And Can't Believe A Girl Done Made A Come Up Like This
Ain't Never Been In Love Like This Before
I Ain't Never Seen A Ring Shine Like This
I Ain't Never Had Nobody Fit Me Like This
I Can't Believe That All Of This Is Happenin To Me
If I'm Dreamin Let Me Sleep

Boy You
You Got My Back And Baby I Got Yours, You
You Got That Lovin That I Would Die For
Boy I've Been Waitin All This Time
And Livin With Nothing
But Now I Got

Now I Got Everything
I Got A Good Man
I'm Makin Weddin Plans Yeah
The One I Took Home To Mom And Dad
He Stole My Heart
Now I Got Everything
Someone Who Dont Cheat
Somebody Who Won't Leave Me Lonely
Even Though It Took A Lifetime To Get Here
Now I Finally
I Got Everything Its You

Never Had No One Go Half On A Baby
Someone To Do It Like I Like, Can Serve Me Daily
No One Ever Love Me Like This Before
I Never Had A House Feel Like A Home
I Never Had A Man That Was Full Grown (Like You)
Baby What'd I Do To Deserve You
I May Never Know
But I Know I Got You

You Got My Back And Baby I Got Yours, You
You Got That Lovin That I Would Die For
Boy I've Been Waitin All This Time
And Livin With Nothing
But Now I Got You

Now I Got Everything
I Got A Good Man
I'm Makin Weddin Plans Yeah
The One I Took Home To Mom And Dad
He Stole My Heart
Now I Got Everything
Someone Who Dont Cheat
Somebody Who Won't Leave Me Lonely
Even Though It Took A Lifetime To Get Here
Now I Finally See
I Got Everything Its You

Now That I Got You
I Never Wnana Lose You
I Love Everything You Do
Don't Wanna Live Without You
Just What I've Been Missin
All This Love I'm Givin
I Wouldnt Trade It For Nothin
My Everything Is You

Now I Got Everything
I Got A Good Man
I'm Makin Weddin Plans Yeah
The One I Took Home To Mom And Dad
He Stole My Heart
Now I Got Everything
Someone Who Dont Cheat
Somebody Who Won't Leave Me Lonely
Even Though It Took A Lifetime To Get Here
Now I Finally
I Got Everything Its You

--To the Silly by Denise Williams music--

I wanna feel like this about somebody some day...

It Kills Me by Melanie Fiona

Oh yeah
I've got trouble with my friends
Trouble in my life
Problems when you don't come home at night
But when you do
You always start a fight
But I can't be alone
I need you to come on home

I know you messin around
But who da hell else is gonna hold me down

Oooh I gotta bo out my mind
To think it's gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave
But the other side
Still believes

And it kills me
To know how much I really love you
So much I wanna hoo hoo hooo
To you hoo hoo

Should I grab his cell
Call this chick up
Start some shhh
And then hang up
Or should I be a lady
Ooh maybe cause I wanna have his baby

Ooh yea I don't wanna be alone
I don't need to be on my own
But I love this man
But some things
I just can't stand

Ooh I gotta be out my mind
To think it's gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave
But the other side still believes

And it kills me
To know how much I really love you
So much I wanna hoo hoo hoo
To you hoo hoo

Should I play him back
To see how he'll react ooo
To see if he'll react to my love
My love

Ooh I gotta be out my mind
To think it's gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave
But the other side still believes

And it kills me
To know how much I really love you
So much I wana hoo hoo hoo
To you hoo hoo

Ooh and it kills me
To know how much I really love you
So much I wana hoo hoo hoo
To you hoo hoo

Damn this song read volumes into my deepest thoughts. Glad to know that another real woman shares my thoughts and feelings. And someone said that real music is shot to hell. I know it kills me too. Glad I heard this song before I caught a case...so serious...

Footprints on the heart...

Some people come into our lives and quietly go. Other stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same.

My book

I am the author of my life...Unfortunately, I'm writing in pen and I can not erase my mistake...but since I'm the author, I can create the next chapter and I can make the endings whatever I want!

Catch me if you can...Shooting Star

So he says that he wants to fall in love with me...I ask why he says why not, we make a good team...but he wants to remain the owner and the coach of his team and add me to the roster...No sir, unless I can be the manager and I get all the perks as the coach...we can be co-owners or something. Why does he need a team when he got me...I am the STAR! ...So he has cut some members of the team...I'm thinking the fewer the better...I know he sees clearer now...

Hop Along, Tag Along

So today was quite different. It started different from most Monday morning...FedEx @ 5:30, sort and after sort duties, then to the Bluff to shower and change to head to the office...well this morning was more like a wake up about 7:45am, roll onto the bad foot, hop along to get ready for a training at the office. One wake up call instead of 3. My driver arrived SILENTLY! No real convo, just a little about the weather and shit. I prayed before their arrival that I would keep my mouth and actions to myself. Things are so different. There is distance between us that I really don't understand but I do.

SideBar: See there was sort of a "break up, not so break up" that happen about a month or so back between our foursome. We were together but not together kinda thing. "His girl had a girlfriend", which was my girlfriend. ..No Homo...but my bitches are always the cutest cuties...I miss here...anyway...Things seem to be one way but really weren't, kinda hard to explain but not so much...anyway...feelings got hurt because of some informed decisions. I tried to cushion the blows but got punched in the face cause I was in the way. I kept my mouth closed in hope that all would work out or they would part HAPPILY...

To be continued...

After training, left the office to find lunch to end up back the office to eat lunch in cafeteria. MuzikLover calls, which upsets da Gentleman...The beefin' about something now quite sure what the problem is. I wanna know, but I don't...ya know? Anywho, leave to head to the Bluff to wait until therapy session. At 3pm head to therapy, then back to the Bluff so that da Gentleman can head to the home of the Aristocrats to be an alumni. Its Monday and I get no mexican...this sucks...:pouting::Meanwhile, I download so Destiny's Child from back in the day. Share a song with SC#4, who stops by...much love, my love...for some DMC. She alwaus give Mama something to think about as she heads to her new Kingdom::wink, wink::( I pay attention;)Now I am trying to find a way to help MuzikLover...good night

Signed,
Another day in this wonderful life of mine while fighting a losing battle

Before I started this blog...Part 2

03.15.09 @ 12:04am
It has been a while since my last entry. I can't believe how long its been. I realize that somethings will never change.Sweetheart is one of those things and it seems like the Hardest Working man in Nashville is wearing the same shoes. ChurchBoy has been a sweetheart lately that is something that I can get use too. Gentleman is a fast mover and new to this whole thing, especially since Tutts left me.

Just some random thoughts: the truth is when I close my eyes, I dream of you. The thought of you makes me smile. You take my breath away. You inspire me to better myself. Even though I am whole you complete me. I wrote a song for you but its untitled and has no words simply because there is no word or phrase that can describe you unless "ump" is a word. These are the feelings I already have for the love of my life even though we haven't met. I feel like everyone deserves to not only feel like this but have someone tell you that this is how they feel about you. When you read this I want you to think about the people you deal with on an intimate level and if this is not how you feel about them then try again. Life is not about who gave you the best nut and if you disagree then I pity you. The old folks say to live, laugh and love not hoe, cum and run...think about it. I laugh at people who choose money over love. Money don't care about you and it damn sure
won't keep you warm at night. I laugh at people who marry for money and wonder why it didn't work. Money is the true root of all evil so how can you base happiness off of it.Think about the next time you try to buy someone's affection. The best gift you can give is time, love, and understanding. The truth is that there are more love songs than fuck songs. The truth is if you have to change who you are or what you believe just to keep someone then they not worth having. The truth is if you are looking for the meaning of life, you won't find it in anything man made....just a few of my thoughts. April 19th@ 10:46pm


11:51am
I just want to be the customer. Its about time someone served me like I have been serving for all these years and in all these relationships. Is that so wrong. Hell naw cause I have went far beyond the call of duty or what you would ever do. You will never find another like me. Some may try but none will ever succeed. Please know there is only one me...don't be the next to miss out on this good thang. Maybe its suppose to be that way...just a thought.

Today is one of these days that make me wanna scream due to the fact that I don't have time::damn I just lost my fuckin thought. Damn

5/11 at 7:29pm
No non sense, no stress. I tell you about some folks. I can't get mad all I can do is laugh. Too funny...lmao...I don't wanna speak cause I am afraid of my reaction that will come from me.


05/22 at 9:16

What was I doing before you got here? Its so good that I can't remember and slick don't wanna go back to the before. I miss you and you have only been gone a few hours. I can't remember...familiarity is hard to get away from...familiar, convenience or real...love will find you.

Before I started this blog...

I was already "blogging" and didn't know it. My writing was my stress relief, a way I could say things that I really couldn't say. I was introduced to blogging by one of my siblingchild. I decided to add these entries, so here goes:

August 2, 2008 @ 2:03am

This shit is crazy. Why is it that niggas try to turn hoes into housewives, then get mad when the shit don't work. '' She don't have to be cute if she going? Wow!

Boredom is always with me. Why I wonder? No one can catch and keep my attention. Not the ones I try to give it to nor the ones who try to take it. I think it is so funny that someone would try to take my attention. However that is exactly what I need. Sweetheart has to go...there is no longer a need for him. My newest friend might just be the person to steal my attention at least from Sweetheat. However this school thing is a bit much for me right now. My newest friend, Hardest Working Man in Nashville might be the focus I need to finish this semester with a bang.

Graduation is a thought all in itself. I can see it now. I am not completely satisfied with myself but my plan B looks real good right now. I have to make it work for SC#1.

My SC#1...I just want to be a great guide for her. I want to show her the way to handle business and life. I know that I can't live it for her but I can try to shade her from careless mistake. Especially the ones I didn't make. I broke the generational cruse. If I can get her over that hump then all should be well. I must show her only through my faith did I succeed to where I am now.


August 3, 2008 @ 12:37am

It is so funny how words only seem to come only at night. I think it is so crazy. I am bored and trying to give my attention away. If only you knew how much I could do to you and for you...lol...

Can't understand normal thinking

August 4, 2008 @1:39 am

is how one guy describes women..I laughed and said that exactly what woman think of men...crazy huh...anyway...so this weekend has come and gone...little to no progress was made for me and mine. I have not tried any mind games but I think he is trying one on me.

I will pray again...maybe God is saying no for now...maybe later...IDK...I just want something I can call my own. Something made just for me by God cause the only thing that will last is something truly '' heaven sent'' I prefer God sent...lol...cause God is everywhere I am and not just in Heaven alone.

Brotherly relationships have been quite strange lately...me and my big mouth...and tough love...my mouth has always gotten my in for trouble than out and my tough love practices tend to hurt me more than the one who it intended for.

Out with the old and where is the new? IDK...OMG...Lol ::screaming:: is all I got to say...

August 5,2008 @ 1:29am

As we spoke today, a small flame inside of me began to grow . It warmed my starting to freeze again heart. It was crazy. Smiling for no reason...happy for no reason...all natural me is what you got today.

Then there is the Hardest working man in Nashville...someone other than my 2 or more knuckle headed brothers...I have way to many daddies...Rich Boy, Tutts, Muscle Man...

Muscle Man, 21 with the head of a born business man on his shoulders and a soul of a old man. I understand his thinking pattern but not of his matters at heart. I don't know whether to call him brother or friend. Never had a friend like him other than Army Man or BabyLove.

The world is like a mirror you see people in other peoples action that reflect something that you know that you have seen before.

12:38am on August 17, 2008

So since have started'' Project Get Over'' all over again today day 1. Yea, I thought about him and past events; however, I did not contact. No calls or texts, email or facebook.just thoughts...it's not over until God says it's over.I must scoot before I can crawl or walk. Thank you Lord for day 1! Forever, For Always, Just because...it is so true what they say...what goes around comes around. After I heard you say that it was your biggest fear. I thought deeper about the content of our conversation. You do what you do because you are spoil. Because you like the challenge of cleaning up your mess with less effort than it took to cause it. You wonder at what strength is the karma going to return? You wonder what will happen next? Who knows? Its easy to tell me no;however, its hard to tell yourself no.

Unbearable

Mama: I just want to say that my heart hurts...I give up...I've given up...
SiblingChild: What? Why? Who hurt you?
Mama: Everyone
SiblingChild: Who? What happen?
Mama:The whole team...the entire team...so I've given up sports...the sport...of love
SiblingChild: I don't understand...
Mama: Me either...I quit!
Signed,
Defeated

My Child...

It is so true, Lauryn said it best…it could all be so simple, but we rather make it hard...There are always unexpected opportunities in life…chances of a lifetime and it’s up to you not to fuck’em up...I am still trying to figure out if this is one of those opportunity...
…One of my siblingchildren once said… “...wishing you were here,but you're not, you're there and there doesn't know how lucky it is…" I thought I knew exactly what she meant then but I truly understand now...

Signed by
- Hating the Tennessee River and I-40

I regret…

I regret stopping by familiarity
…speaking out of courteously
…allowing you to meet the family
…inviting you into my life, my home, my comfort zone, my heart and me
…giving you opportunity to share my dreams
…placing you on this pedestal
…thinking that you were the answer to the prayer I stop praying
…it all. Damn. I regret.
…trying not to regret
…trying to forget what it was like before you
…I regret, regretting.
This will be a good one for the book. Never had a regret before. You were the thing that made me regret the one before you. Hopefully the thing after you will make me FORGET you, instead of REGRET you.
Glad I love me more,
Bri

Funny feeling

It sure is funny how all of a sudden feelings change. Do I laugh to keep from crying? Or is it that I am tired of crying?

Escape...

DAMN it felt so good to be out of Tennessee for a 3 day weekend! I had to balance my life for a few days. There is nothing like family time and alone time. Time to sing, drive and cry about any and every thing that came to mind, heart and presence. I can't wait to do it again but it won't be so long in between times again. I promised myself that during the drive back. The escape from the jobs, life issues both personally and professionally, and family issues was fanDAMNtasic I know that none of this will ever end but a break from it was well beyond needed. I missed Babes and SiblingChild #4,like I knew that I would but everyone needs a break sometimes. I know they needed one from me cause I needed one from me too! Any who...it has been a few days since I last wrote a blog so I just had to let this out right quick as summer school and work picks up I will probably see less of this blog but I plan on keeping this escape as much as possible.

Anything but HAPPY!

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all pointless drama and the people who create it and the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short too be anything but happy!

Is it too much to ask...

is it too much to ask? All I want is some time....TIME...I just want to be in your presence...to be around you...to be near you...to be with you...it doesn't even have to be sexual...it could be...because its good...anyway...all I wanna be is around in your company. I guess it is kinda selfish but I don't care...neither should you because if I'm in your presence you have all of me...I wanna be all in!DAMN I believe it NOW...I wanna be all in...I have given everything/everyone else up to give you all of me and all I get is the runaround. Is it too much to ask? DAMN I thought it would be an even trade...even with all that you have to do and all that I am doing...I still make time and move things around so that I can have time for you and us to be together...it is too much to ask for you to match me! MATCH ME...Is it too much to ask?

Lovesick...

From where I sit...I look out and wonder why us human act the way we do . I want. I need. I know. I am. I won't. I will. I can. So then why do I even try...For what its worth...you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Missing someone is your heart's way of reminding you that you love them...tired of of feeling empty.

Until I Cry

There comes a time in life when you have to quit the mental and emotional fight that you have with yourself and enjoy the guilty and guilt free pleasures. I understand just how wrong this could possibly be but I do not care. I will take and make the best of whatever makes me happy.

It is something about the way you feel when you are laid on your back and caressed like every inch of you is precious fabric. There is something about those tears that form because of the compassion and emotion that comes with the act of love making. The best of the best are the times that make you cry like a baby because it feels so damn good to be opened by the one that opens you best. The deeper the stoke, the deeper the breathing along with the larger the tears that flow down my cheeks as he asks what's wrong. He looks in my eyes as he remember the last time him and passion met. Its like when I first realized I was in deep love with him. It was/is more than just sex and fuckin. I know what it means to make love, because that is what we do every time him and passion meet. Only real love, emotion, passion and trust make you cry like this. If you have never experienced anything like this, you haven't found true and real love. You have never been loved and fucked well until that shit makes you cry...Have you until you cried?

Too much, too soon

Too much, too soon
Am I too much, too soon…possibly . I am the best thing since slice bread. I am a woman of my word. I am going to make someone a damn good wife. I am a business woman. I am Christian. I am the total package. I cook. I clean. I take care of me. I am a spoiler. I am caring. I am loving. You will never find another love like this.

5/9/2009 7:30:18 PM

I guess that is it okay….I guess. Why do I feel like the world is on my heart and I can not seem to push it away. Then I feel like something is missing. I feel hurt. I feel pain. I feel crushed. I feel hot. I feel hunger for food and other things. I feel. I feel. I don’t know what the problem is. I just cant seem to put my hand on it. I don’t really understand why. I cant. I cant cry, scream, laugh, be happy, run, sing, talk, writing barely is coming to me. I don’t know why. The music use to heal but so did you. That doesn’t happen unless I am in your presence and since that is so limited now and has been for a while. That makes me wanna cry but I can’t ….damn and once I find the tears to cry the pain in the pit of my stomach make crying seem like the worst pain of life…hungry pain for food and for you. What is the damn problem. I have not been myself …I am always me. Always. But not now in this moment. This has never happened before. I drink but not like last night and the thoughts of doing it all again tonight . that is so not in my character. Just a few thoughts now is a time to keep busy so that I wont say or do anything that I might regret which I rarely ever do anything that I regret. That is another sign that something is not right. The headache will not subside. Damn house is a mess, life is the same…this never happens…sleeping is not helping either. Now the tears wont flow as I actually sit and think this thang out. Bitches, Atlanta, family, money, cars. What else. Maybe child#4 was right. It is a sign that I am not suppose to cry about this thang. I remember how good it felt to cry and everything be made better. LIFE is too full of LIEs and Ifs. Laying around…is not helping either. Neither is cleaning. WTF?