I guess that is it okay….I guess. Why do I feel like the world is on my heart and I can not seem to push it away. Then I feel like something is missing. I feel hurt. I feel pain. I feel crushed. I feel hot. I feel hunger for food and other things. I feel. I feel. I don’t know what the problem is. I just cant seem to put my hand on it. I don’t really understand why. I cant. I cant cry, scream, laugh, be happy, run, sing, talk, writing barely is coming to me. I don’t know why. The music use to heal but so did you. That doesn’t happen unless I am in your presence and since that is so limited now and has been for a while. That makes me wanna cry but I can’t ….damn and once I find the tears to cry the pain in the pit of my stomach make crying seem like the worst pain of life…hungry pain for food and for you. What is the damn problem. I have not been myself …I am always me. Always. But not now in this moment. This has never happened before. I drink but not like last night and the thoughts of doing it all again tonight . that is so not in my character. Just a few thoughts now is a time to keep busy so that I wont say or do anything that I might regret which I rarely ever do anything that I regret. That is another sign that something is not right. The headache will not subside. Damn house is a mess, life is the same…this never happens…sleeping is not helping either. Now the tears wont flow as I actually sit and think this thang out. Bitches, Atlanta, family, money, cars. What else. Maybe child#4 was right. It is a sign that I am not suppose to cry about this thang. I remember how good it felt to cry and everything be made better. LIFE is too full of LIEs and Ifs. Laying around…is not helping either. Neither is cleaning. WTF?
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